I know I am biased, but I do think my daughter is beautiful and when she is in the right mood very photogenic. I just love this picture of her smiling at me behind the camera from holiday.

Scrapblog

Been having a little play with Scrapblog with some photos from our holiday this month.

Time flies when you're having fun...

...or everything seems to happen at the same time!

So an overdue update, I finished my degree!!! I got a 2.1 so I'm delighted, given I started 3 years ago expecting a 2.2 and that was before Tim's operations happened.

I have also got a job and will be starting in early September as a graduate mental health worker. I'm excited and daunted and scared and happy all at the same time, but most of all relieved that I have a job lined up. Lots of my fellow graduates are still hunting after several interviews. But if I thought I may have more time to myself, well maybe not, one of the conditions of the job is to complete a postgraduate certificate in mental health (the first year of a masters), which the fund and give me day release to attend classes. So I guess my craft time may be limited for a while longer, but it will be worth it. Where ever I go in the future it will be another string to my bow and is supposed to have a large CBT content to it which will be a large part of my job, so it will be invaluable to my professional development.

Tim, Caitlin and I went to County Durham this year on a house swap with his parents, saved Tim getting off the floor camping again. Despite the weather being a bit hit and miss we had a nice break. Caitlin even got the chance to blow some glass at the national glass centre and I added to my paperweight collection. So did my daughter, who came back home and while unpacking announced she was going to put her little paperweight and glass duck in her 'glass collection'.

Tim's operation on his second foot initial seem to go well and the foot shape is better than the other one, primarily due to some new titanium plates they used, that weren't available last time. Unfortunately now these are causing a few problems so he's going to need another more minor operation to remove these and hopefully reduce his pain. They've done their job now at least and despite the extra operation probably were worthwhile.

Proud Mummy Moment

Ok so this is definately one of those proud Mummy moments. Caitlin made her first scrapbook layout on Sunday! She chose the photos from the ones I had taken. She decided on pink for the background paper and them choose the patterned paper from a range of pinks I pulled out for her. When I asked what she wanted on the page, she decided on 'Easter egg hunt'. Unsurprisingly she liked the pink glittery letters, the white letters are cut from pearlised card.
Caitlin had very definate ideas of what QK shapes she wanted se;ecting eggs, chicks and flowers from my QK folders.

She needed some help with sticking the paper and photos down. But the easter letters she stuck down and all the QK shapes. The only bits she asked me to do were the white letters and to write the date on the eggs. Didn't she do fab?! Even better she immediately asked if she could do another page on a different day.

I think another scrapper is born, I'm not sure if Tim is delighted he'll get more free time while Caitlin and I scrap together or fears for the balance of our bank account with a second scrapper in residence, LOL.

The year so far

Ok, so I've been hopeless at posting this academic year, but I am still here!

I've finished my independent study and my dissertation, thank goodness. I'm on placement on a non-traditional placement at a residential college for adult education, I've done a month, then I have another 8 weeks left and 2 weeks at university before I finish my degree (well if I don't fail anything, so fingers crossed).

Tim is recovering from his second foot operation in January and seems to be doing ok at the moment. I'm nt sure if it has been easier this time as we knew what to expect, or tougher as we knew how long the recover was and could be more realistic. Tim is now the bionic man though as they used these low profile metal plates in his foot this time.

Caitlin is loving school and is loving reading, she has just taken to it like a duck to water. Her writing is a bit further behind, but she's doing well and keeps us on our toes.

We've just had the Easter weekend and there was snow on the ground on Easter day, so I rushed out before breakfast to layout and easer egg hunt round the garden so she could do it in the snow as she wanted. By the time she got out it was already melting and too slushy to make snow balls, but she did like running around the snow in her wellies collecting eggs.

I've not had much time or energy for crafting apart for jewellery. I've been making jewellery, especially as my independent study was on the use of jewellery as a creative therapy, I attended a jewellery making class, making pieces from scratch. Which developed my skills further, I loved hammering metal to create a textured finish on the copper. the necklace in the picture is one I made, the leaf shapes I cut, hammered and finished from copper, then assembled with the copper jump rings, round links and toggle clasp.

The lariat style necklace is one I made and absolutely adore. I originally made it as I didn't know what I could do with the silvery beads which have flecks of brown and aqua in them. The combination seems to work beautifully and I've had more compliments about this necklace than any other I've made.

Recently I've started to pick up my digital scrapbooking more, partly because Tim kindly upgraded my memory in my laptop, so it can cope better with digi scrapping and partly because I have been developing some stuff for placement using digi scrapping as an activity.

1st Day at School

Well first morning really as they finish at 12.30pm for the first week. But today was my baby girl's first day at school. She was very excited this morning and came home very enthusiast to go back tomorrow. She tells me she has played in and outside, played with lego, painted a picture, played musical instruments and sang.

She's also made one new friend but she doesn't know her name. She didn't know any of the other children as she's previously been at the private nursery while I've been studying.

Doesn't she look so grown up in her uniform?

Brave

Been to the Butterfly House today, Caitlin loves wandering around looking at the butterflies and finding the lizards that run about too. The body of this lizard is about 18" long, plus it's tail is almost twice as long again.

As well as the butterflies there's a small farm where she fed a goat and a lamb and a bird of prey centre. Today she held an owl for the first time, she told me that I had to take a picture of her with the owl for Daddy who was at work.

In other news I've almost strimmed all the weeds and grass at the lottie, one more trip with the strimmer should do it. Just cutting everything back makes it look so much better, just the edging for paths, masses of bark to shift, beds to dig for the autumn planting onions and garlic, oh and a shed to build, not much then :O Well it wouldn't be so bad if it would just stop raining for a while!

I passed the year!

Finally got my results, and I passed the year, my average was 66% which is pretty good, seeing as 60 - 69% is a 2.1 degree. Unfortunately I've not had all the feedback as due to administration incompetence by my university someone else has got some of my feedback sheets, including my worst and best results of the year, both of which I'd really like to see. I'm not the only one, apparently there several of us. It's just typical of the lack of concern that we've had this year, major delays in feed back, lectures and teaching sessions missed due to staff illness and not rescheduled and if we complain just verbally slapped down by head of the course. Oh well only one year to go.

In other news, we've remained dry throughout the floods in South Yorkshire, although the village has been cut off at various points. The dip at the bottom of our road is still flooding every time it rains for more than a hour or two. We managed to miss the worst of the floods by being on holiday in the Lakes where it was much drier even with half the campsite flooding on our last night. We did come back early, worried about forecasts of more rain and flooding.

Caitlin has been for two visits to her new school and can't wait to start in September. Our baby is growing up! It's nice spending more time with her over my summer break, just wish the weather was better.

The allotment is doing ok considering the dreadful wet weather this year. One forum I've been on old-timers have given up on the summer crops and just trying to clear down for autumn and winter crops, well those whose allotments aren't under water. So if they can't get anywhere what hope do I have, at least if we can keep the weeds down and the grass strimmed I can hopefully dig more over the autumn. Who knows we could have a heatwave in October, this year there's no telling!

Thank you...

...for all the messages of support, it really does make a difference.

Caitlin is out of plaster and seems to be healing nicely, although you can see where the bone bows in her wrist, but the consultant tells us because she is so young it will reshape and straighten as she grows, so we shouldn't worry about it. The main thing is the fracture is healing.

She's still getting used to using her right arm and hand again, but she's getting better by the day using it more and more. Her elbow doesn't seem too stiff either.

I did get some photos before the cast came off. These were at the entrance to the allotment.

Beauty in the garden

Couldn't resist getting out in the sunshine and taking some pictures. The white clematis is smothered in flower again this year. It may not be the prettiest plant for the rest of the year, but late spring gives so much joy it is definately a favourite. The peony will be in full bloom shortly at the moment it just gives a hint of what's to come. Then the first rose of the year is out, had to stop Caitlin from picking this yesterday, I gave her one of the hundreds of clematis flowers instead, but she's still after a rose, I had to promise her one when more come out later in the year.

I'm still here!

Things are getting better, feeling much more in control again. Spring always
helps as the SAD receeds even if the more general depression doesn't, but
I am off the antidepressants and doing ok.

I've got another year to go at uni, but this year is going ok so far, I've
got great marks in the work I've got back (1st class degree level!), but
still waiting on the assignment that was most badly affected by the
depression/Tim being in recovery from his op.

Caitlin broke her arm over the Easter break with an unstable buckle fracture of her radius in her right arm. So she's in a bright pink cast from the bottom of her fingers to just below her shoulder. It hasn't slowed her down at all! As she bounces round in her usual way Tim and I aren't sure if we should hover behind to catch her if she falls or shut our eyes! lol. All being well the plaster comes off on 9th May a week on Wednesday. Fortunately the unstable break didn't shift so she doesn't need surgery which was a huge relief.

Oh and I/we have just taken on an allotment we get the keys this week/early next week. So the vegetables don't take over the back garden. It's all very overgrown, but the council are going to strim it for us shortly then we get to get the weed killer out and get digging! I may be odd, but I find pottering outside with plants is strangely relaxing and calming, very good for lowering stress levels.

Life sucks

Hmm, not been a good month, I've been fighting the joys of depression/SAD, so bad that I'm back on the antidepressants which kinda seems a backward step after 18 months off them, but I'd got to the not wanting to leave the house stage, which is not good. Plus I'm seeing a mental health worker for Cognitive Behaviour Therapy to get some coping strategies for the panic attacks and the like.

It's been hard going with Tim being off his feet, but we're keeping our fingers crossed that his plaster cast will be off this thursday and he's started to drive this week too, which is fab.

Unfortunately I've also got the worst viral infection since glandular fever seven years ago. I haven't properly for days, I can't breathe, my throat feels like cut glass and my glands have been huge. Now poor Tim is going down with it poor man, so Caitlin has gone to the grandparents.

Oh and to add insult to injury I've an assignment to write by friday, when my head hasn't been straight for a week and I missed half the teaching because I couldn't cope.

Sorry to anyone who's emailed me, I've not read any, nor have I posted on any forums. Hopefully I'll get myself straight once my assignment is done. I just hope I can scrape a pass. Off to look at more stuff on OT assessment

Life sucks

Hmm, not been a good month, I've been fighting the joys of depression/SAD, so bad that I'm back on the antidepressants which kinda seems a backward step after 18 months off them, but I'd got to the not wanting to leave the house stage, which is not good. Plus I'm seeing a mental health worker for Cognitive Behaviour Therapy to get some coping strategies for the panic attacks and the like.

It's been hard going with Tim being off his feet, but we're keeping our fingers crossed that his plaster cast will be off this thursday and he's started to drive this week too, which is fab.

Unfortunately I've also got the worst viral infection since glandular fever seven years ago. I haven't properly for days, I can't breathe, my throat feels like cut glass and my glands have been huge. Now poor Tim is going down with it poor man, so Caitlin has gone to the grandparents.

Oh and to add insult to injury I've an assignment to write by friday, when my head hasn't been straight for a week and I missed half the teaching because I couldn't cope.

Sorry to anyone who's emailed me, I've not read any, nor have I posted on any forums. Hopefully I'll get myself straight once my assignment is done. I just hope I can scrape a pass. Off to look at more stuff on OT assessment

End of term and Tim's operation

Well firstly my second placement is over and done with, got a great placement report too, so very happy. My assignment is posted and that's all the work I need to do until after christmas.

Tim had his operation yesterday, so he's in hospital recovering with an epidural for pain relief, no idea when he'll be coming home, but as his epidural is still in place today I don't think it will be tomorrow as initially thought possible. He's got a huge cast round his foot which is having to be redone today as he's got a wrinkle in it. No idea what his hip looks like where they took the bone slither to wedge in his foot from. They have managed to take enough out for both feet, so as long as the freezer doesn't break down before the other foot is done he'll only have to have that bit once, which is great as that's actually the bit that hurts more.

The hospital doesn't usually allow children under 12 to visit, but the ward sister has agreed this morning to a short visit from Caitlin this afternoon. She was so upset yesterday when we'd told her she couldn't visit her Daddy, so today she is bouncing about going in. I've got a new story for Daddy to read to her and she's getting the riot act about being good before we go in and we'll keep it short. But I think both Caitlin and Tim will benefit from a visit.

I passed!!!

First driving test and I got 5 minor faults, so I'm now a holder of a full automatic licence. Tim contacted the insurance company and updated my details, so after lunch I'm off to scare Tim in the car. I figure after some lunch I might just have stopped bouncing and be safer in the car.

Halloween

We carved pumpkins at the weekend Tim did one and Caitlin and I the other one (ours is the one on the left), she's very good at scrapping out the pumpkin. We put both pumpkins out, but unfortunately someone decided Tim's was so good that they decided to take it. Caitlin seemed to enjoy halloween, we didn't take her trick or treating, but instead every time trick or treaters came to the door, she was allowed to add a treat to her dish of treats. She was all dressed up as a witch, complete with a witch's broomstick from her grandma and grandad. Tim had to deal with most of it as I had a driving lesson. But here's some piccies of our little witch.

Long time, no post

Well finally things are improving, I got taken off one medication and after a week put on a different one and the change has been phenomenal! I feel human again, the headaches and migraine are receeding fast and I can use the computer again for more than 5 minutes at a time, very happy bunny.

I have just finished my placement today and I've passed the practical element, in fact got much better result than I expected, so I'm delighted. I've been given an extension to the written component which was due tomorrow, due to the health problems and not being able to use computer enough for research and writing the assignemnet itself. Although I can see myself in intermediate care long term I have enjoyed the placement and the team have been lovely and supportive and made me feel one of the team, I'll miss them.

This weekend we went to Tim's parents and Kirsty from Kaptured by Kirsty took pictures of the whole family as their 40th wedding anniversary present. There's some amazing pictures in there, we're going to go for a DVD of all the picture and 30 proofed photos, we just need to negotiate as a family which ones to get proofed. I love some ones of me on my own that Kirsty has taken and there's some beautiful pictures of Caitlin, who was definately the star of the show. Most importantly though Tim's parents are over the moon with the results, they've got some fab pictures of their family, all of whom are usual camera shy! Thoroughly recommend Kirsty to anyone!

I've struggled for many years with depression of various sorts, before Caitlin was born I was told it was SAD (seasonal affected disorder) and that a winter sun break would make all the difference, unfortunately not available on the NHS, I did ask tongue in cheek. After Caitlin was born I had PND although it took me quite a while to accept it. I guess I ticked so many of the at risk boxes that I should have been more prepared for it. Between Tim's job moving us away from friends and my brothers, coping with a 5 month old baby through the week on my own while he worked in Sheffield for a while and then the stress of moving and then buying a house and moving again, all by the time Caitlin was little more than a year old didn't help. But it was easier to say I was stressed and tired than accept that after the joy of our miracle baby I was so so miserable until I reached such a point I had to face it head on.

I know I am a stressed person, I get anxious very quickly and have major issues with self confidence and I find it difficult to mix in social situations, all of which made the move from Edinburgh 2 years ago so difficult. Tim always is telling me not to worry and stress so much, but I don't know how not to. I do wonder if all the drinking through my teenage years when all these social skills were developing effected this, when I was scared or anxious I just drank a bit more until my inhibitions and fears receeded. But now as a sober adult how do I cope with all these feelings?

My problem is working out when my stress levels, nerves and crippling self doubt change over into depression sometimes it can be a fine line. At the moment with the high blood pressure, the headaches it causes and my memory being permanently shot to pieces it gets me down as I feel so crap. I wish there was a magic pill to take it all away.

Creativity

Well been very tired and very worn out, had loads of headaches and migraines and finding my placement very stressful. Although I'm passing my placement at the halfway stage, which is good news, the intermediate care setting is not for me.

It feels like all my creativity is drained out of me, I've not done much craft at all in the last few weeks, between lack of time, tiredness and headaches, so I'm very chuffed that I've made one necklace this weekend while Tim and Caitlin have been at his parents. The pendant is blueberry stone.

Third time luckyish

Third time lucky Caitlin and I finally managed to make the body of her piggie moneybox with papier mache. The first two the balloon burst part way through covering Caitlin and I with watered down PVA glue! Tim was duely despatched for a new bag of balloons from the supermarket. The third one didn't burst but overnight has deflated slightly while it's been drying leaving a slightly crinkly body, but never mind it will do the job. Caitlin did enjoy getting the paper all wet and sticking it down, she had far more patience than I expected. Just need to let the whole thing dry out now and then We can stick the legs and nose on and paint it. Will probably be next weekend now.