Thank you...

...for all the messages of support, it really does make a difference.

Caitlin is out of plaster and seems to be healing nicely, although you can see where the bone bows in her wrist, but the consultant tells us because she is so young it will reshape and straighten as she grows, so we shouldn't worry about it. The main thing is the fracture is healing.

She's still getting used to using her right arm and hand again, but she's getting better by the day using it more and more. Her elbow doesn't seem too stiff either.

I did get some photos before the cast came off. These were at the entrance to the allotment.

Beauty in the garden

Couldn't resist getting out in the sunshine and taking some pictures. The white clematis is smothered in flower again this year. It may not be the prettiest plant for the rest of the year, but late spring gives so much joy it is definately a favourite. The peony will be in full bloom shortly at the moment it just gives a hint of what's to come. Then the first rose of the year is out, had to stop Caitlin from picking this yesterday, I gave her one of the hundreds of clematis flowers instead, but she's still after a rose, I had to promise her one when more come out later in the year.

I'm still here!

Things are getting better, feeling much more in control again. Spring always
helps as the SAD receeds even if the more general depression doesn't, but
I am off the antidepressants and doing ok.

I've got another year to go at uni, but this year is going ok so far, I've
got great marks in the work I've got back (1st class degree level!), but
still waiting on the assignment that was most badly affected by the
depression/Tim being in recovery from his op.

Caitlin broke her arm over the Easter break with an unstable buckle fracture of her radius in her right arm. So she's in a bright pink cast from the bottom of her fingers to just below her shoulder. It hasn't slowed her down at all! As she bounces round in her usual way Tim and I aren't sure if we should hover behind to catch her if she falls or shut our eyes! lol. All being well the plaster comes off on 9th May a week on Wednesday. Fortunately the unstable break didn't shift so she doesn't need surgery which was a huge relief.

Oh and I/we have just taken on an allotment we get the keys this week/early next week. So the vegetables don't take over the back garden. It's all very overgrown, but the council are going to strim it for us shortly then we get to get the weed killer out and get digging! I may be odd, but I find pottering outside with plants is strangely relaxing and calming, very good for lowering stress levels.

Life sucks

Hmm, not been a good month, I've been fighting the joys of depression/SAD, so bad that I'm back on the antidepressants which kinda seems a backward step after 18 months off them, but I'd got to the not wanting to leave the house stage, which is not good. Plus I'm seeing a mental health worker for Cognitive Behaviour Therapy to get some coping strategies for the panic attacks and the like.

It's been hard going with Tim being off his feet, but we're keeping our fingers crossed that his plaster cast will be off this thursday and he's started to drive this week too, which is fab.

Unfortunately I've also got the worst viral infection since glandular fever seven years ago. I haven't properly for days, I can't breathe, my throat feels like cut glass and my glands have been huge. Now poor Tim is going down with it poor man, so Caitlin has gone to the grandparents.

Oh and to add insult to injury I've an assignment to write by friday, when my head hasn't been straight for a week and I missed half the teaching because I couldn't cope.

Sorry to anyone who's emailed me, I've not read any, nor have I posted on any forums. Hopefully I'll get myself straight once my assignment is done. I just hope I can scrape a pass. Off to look at more stuff on OT assessment

Life sucks

Hmm, not been a good month, I've been fighting the joys of depression/SAD, so bad that I'm back on the antidepressants which kinda seems a backward step after 18 months off them, but I'd got to the not wanting to leave the house stage, which is not good. Plus I'm seeing a mental health worker for Cognitive Behaviour Therapy to get some coping strategies for the panic attacks and the like.

It's been hard going with Tim being off his feet, but we're keeping our fingers crossed that his plaster cast will be off this thursday and he's started to drive this week too, which is fab.

Unfortunately I've also got the worst viral infection since glandular fever seven years ago. I haven't properly for days, I can't breathe, my throat feels like cut glass and my glands have been huge. Now poor Tim is going down with it poor man, so Caitlin has gone to the grandparents.

Oh and to add insult to injury I've an assignment to write by friday, when my head hasn't been straight for a week and I missed half the teaching because I couldn't cope.

Sorry to anyone who's emailed me, I've not read any, nor have I posted on any forums. Hopefully I'll get myself straight once my assignment is done. I just hope I can scrape a pass. Off to look at more stuff on OT assessment

End of term and Tim's operation

Well firstly my second placement is over and done with, got a great placement report too, so very happy. My assignment is posted and that's all the work I need to do until after christmas.

Tim had his operation yesterday, so he's in hospital recovering with an epidural for pain relief, no idea when he'll be coming home, but as his epidural is still in place today I don't think it will be tomorrow as initially thought possible. He's got a huge cast round his foot which is having to be redone today as he's got a wrinkle in it. No idea what his hip looks like where they took the bone slither to wedge in his foot from. They have managed to take enough out for both feet, so as long as the freezer doesn't break down before the other foot is done he'll only have to have that bit once, which is great as that's actually the bit that hurts more.

The hospital doesn't usually allow children under 12 to visit, but the ward sister has agreed this morning to a short visit from Caitlin this afternoon. She was so upset yesterday when we'd told her she couldn't visit her Daddy, so today she is bouncing about going in. I've got a new story for Daddy to read to her and she's getting the riot act about being good before we go in and we'll keep it short. But I think both Caitlin and Tim will benefit from a visit.

I passed!!!

First driving test and I got 5 minor faults, so I'm now a holder of a full automatic licence. Tim contacted the insurance company and updated my details, so after lunch I'm off to scare Tim in the car. I figure after some lunch I might just have stopped bouncing and be safer in the car.

Halloween

We carved pumpkins at the weekend Tim did one and Caitlin and I the other one (ours is the one on the left), she's very good at scrapping out the pumpkin. We put both pumpkins out, but unfortunately someone decided Tim's was so good that they decided to take it. Caitlin seemed to enjoy halloween, we didn't take her trick or treating, but instead every time trick or treaters came to the door, she was allowed to add a treat to her dish of treats. She was all dressed up as a witch, complete with a witch's broomstick from her grandma and grandad. Tim had to deal with most of it as I had a driving lesson. But here's some piccies of our little witch.

Long time, no post

Well finally things are improving, I got taken off one medication and after a week put on a different one and the change has been phenomenal! I feel human again, the headaches and migraine are receeding fast and I can use the computer again for more than 5 minutes at a time, very happy bunny.

I have just finished my placement today and I've passed the practical element, in fact got much better result than I expected, so I'm delighted. I've been given an extension to the written component which was due tomorrow, due to the health problems and not being able to use computer enough for research and writing the assignemnet itself. Although I can see myself in intermediate care long term I have enjoyed the placement and the team have been lovely and supportive and made me feel one of the team, I'll miss them.

This weekend we went to Tim's parents and Kirsty from Kaptured by Kirsty took pictures of the whole family as their 40th wedding anniversary present. There's some amazing pictures in there, we're going to go for a DVD of all the picture and 30 proofed photos, we just need to negotiate as a family which ones to get proofed. I love some ones of me on my own that Kirsty has taken and there's some beautiful pictures of Caitlin, who was definately the star of the show. Most importantly though Tim's parents are over the moon with the results, they've got some fab pictures of their family, all of whom are usual camera shy! Thoroughly recommend Kirsty to anyone!

I've struggled for many years with depression of various sorts, before Caitlin was born I was told it was SAD (seasonal affected disorder) and that a winter sun break would make all the difference, unfortunately not available on the NHS, I did ask tongue in cheek. After Caitlin was born I had PND although it took me quite a while to accept it. I guess I ticked so many of the at risk boxes that I should have been more prepared for it. Between Tim's job moving us away from friends and my brothers, coping with a 5 month old baby through the week on my own while he worked in Sheffield for a while and then the stress of moving and then buying a house and moving again, all by the time Caitlin was little more than a year old didn't help. But it was easier to say I was stressed and tired than accept that after the joy of our miracle baby I was so so miserable until I reached such a point I had to face it head on.

I know I am a stressed person, I get anxious very quickly and have major issues with self confidence and I find it difficult to mix in social situations, all of which made the move from Edinburgh 2 years ago so difficult. Tim always is telling me not to worry and stress so much, but I don't know how not to. I do wonder if all the drinking through my teenage years when all these social skills were developing effected this, when I was scared or anxious I just drank a bit more until my inhibitions and fears receeded. But now as a sober adult how do I cope with all these feelings?

My problem is working out when my stress levels, nerves and crippling self doubt change over into depression sometimes it can be a fine line. At the moment with the high blood pressure, the headaches it causes and my memory being permanently shot to pieces it gets me down as I feel so crap. I wish there was a magic pill to take it all away.

Creativity

Well been very tired and very worn out, had loads of headaches and migraines and finding my placement very stressful. Although I'm passing my placement at the halfway stage, which is good news, the intermediate care setting is not for me.

It feels like all my creativity is drained out of me, I've not done much craft at all in the last few weeks, between lack of time, tiredness and headaches, so I'm very chuffed that I've made one necklace this weekend while Tim and Caitlin have been at his parents. The pendant is blueberry stone.

Third time luckyish

Third time lucky Caitlin and I finally managed to make the body of her piggie moneybox with papier mache. The first two the balloon burst part way through covering Caitlin and I with watered down PVA glue! Tim was duely despatched for a new bag of balloons from the supermarket. The third one didn't burst but overnight has deflated slightly while it's been drying leaving a slightly crinkly body, but never mind it will do the job. Caitlin did enjoy getting the paper all wet and sticking it down, she had far more patience than I expected. Just need to let the whole thing dry out now and then We can stick the legs and nose on and paint it. Will probably be next weekend now.

Good and bad

Good news my blood tests were all normal so I just have high blood pressure, with no underlying cause. So I can now have medication to bring it down and hopefully cut the migraines back. The bad news, the migraines and headaches have been awful over the last fortnight. My placement is more stressful and not as supportive as my last one, so that's put my blood pressure up and made me worse short term. I've started my medication and hopefully things will improve in the next week or so and the dizziness and very red cheeks will fade.

In the meantime the house looks like a bombs hit it as I've done so little housework. Tim was rushed off his feet with an important deadline last week, he was working on saturday and he's shattered too, although he's trying his best this week to catch up.

At least Caitlin is ok, if a little grumpy in the mornings, she's almost used to the early starts again though and getting back into the swing of nursery 5 days a week. Although she seem to be trying altered art at the moment, she's 'altered' her t-shirt, a drawer unit at nursery and herself almost every day this week with a combination of paint and pens. Why oh why don't they have washable pens and paint?!!

Oh and I have a date for my practical test 3rd November!

Tired

Hmm perhaps not a good idea to have a 2 hour driving lesson on the second day of my placement. So tired and making stupid mistakes in lesson. I guess I am getting there slowly, I'm just impatient and want to be ready for my practical test now!

Placement is going ok so far, the team is nice, but I still feel like a fish out of water. Everything is very confusing and there's so many names and faces. It feels like there's so much to learn and so little time. Six weeks isn't very long which makes it even more important to find my feet quickly. My educator is very overworked due to another member of staff being on maternity leave and also has a new basic grade started the week before me. I may get to do my first initial interview with my educator tomorrow. I'm hoping to start doing more and be able to play a more active role soon and feel like I can contribute more.

5 years on

My thoughts and prayers today are with all those who lost friends and loved ones 5 years ago. I will never forget seeing the second plane crash into the towers and seeing both towers collapse. Although I was at work that day I was having a test in the corner of the canteen for something. The television was on and when I got there the first plane had not long hit the tower, we all were stood there watching in total silence as the second plane hit, until the first tower collapsed when there was a collective gasp of horror.

One of Tim's old uni friends worked for Merrill Lynch in the Twin Towers, amazingly he was off work because a roller blader had knocked him flying the previous day and he was off work sick. That roller blader may have saved his life. Who'd have though a roller blader would be your guardian angel?

Tim's work

For those of you who I have tried to explain to, this is what has been keeping Tim so busy - template based authoring
Have to admit I'll be glad when he stops working quite so hard though!

Katy's christening part 2

Some more pictures from the book

Katy's book

Have finally got Katy's christening book posted to her mum before they go back to New Zealand. Here's a few pages from it. She is such a beautiful baby.

Guess who's a year rep?

Yup me. I volunteered myself and I am now elected one of the reps for the 2nd year OTs. I got fed up with getting messed about and the year reps did their best, but none of them were parents and really could address the issues some of us had. Any how this year I feel a bit more prepared for University and the demands there may be, so think I have the time to do it. It won't go amiss on my CV and when the tutors are writing our references in 3rd year and in a competitive job market every little helps.

End of the Summer

I can't believe how quick my summer break has gone, tomorrow is my last day of freedom before my second year starts. I had such good plans for what I'd get done this summer and it hasn't happened, for various reasons. I still have an attic full of unsorted craft stash and a cellar where I've not looked in one of the boxes. But I did start my driving lesson and pass my theory test and I have been making jewellery which hopefully I'll get round to selling at some point.

I guess I have also had a chance to recharge my batteries for the next year and to spend a precious last long summer with Caitlin. Next year I will have to work to get some upto date work experience on my CV even if it is just care work with the elderly or disabled people and the following year all being well I hope to be working as a fully qualified Occupational Therapist (or Octopus thera-pest as Caitlin calls it). This year the actual marks I get become far more important too as it may affect my final degree classification. This will either be 100% of 3rd year marks or 25% 2nd year and 75% third year marks whichever is higher. So in case I fluff 3rd year it's important to keep the marks up this year. So more nose to the grindstone, no social life, even if I could afford it and precious little craft time. After all Caitlin deserves my time at the weekends.

This year will be tougher too as Tim will be out of action for a while, meaning more stuff falling to me while he's in plaster. A necessary evil to improve his quality of life and well worth 3 months in plaster to help straighten out his foot. Just wonder when the second operation on the other foot will be, usually it's 6 months or so later as the second leg tends to detoriate quicker after one is done, but it does depend on recovery from the first operation and the waiting list of the surgeon. His is very good in the orthopedics field AKA long waiting list, rather the wait than some underling mess it up though CMT foot surgery can be complex.